itellyouarise

I re-read “5 Love Languages” today by Gary Chapman.  Trying to do some work on actively identifying and naming some emotional needs so can try and take steps to see them fulfilled.  Think I’m predominantly fluent in ‘acts of service’ – certainly that’s what I speak.  I don’t think I’m very good at asking for things. It doesn’t count if it’s something someone ‘has’ to do for me. I want them to want to do it.  Even chocolate or baking, it’s the act of thinking of me and doing something for me that matters more than the gift itself.  This is closely linked with the type-2 Enneagram also, the belief that I need to do things for other people to be deserving of their love.  I am treating love like a commodity.  I am subscribed to the Enneathought for the day and last week one was: Love is not a commodity and is not scarce – this is one of those fundamental truth things that I probably need to be reminded of every day because I find it so hard to believe. I know not everyone is into these frameworks/tools but I can certainly say for myself that they have been really helpful in giving me a language to talk about things I’d otherwise leave unsaid and taken me on a journey of self-awareness – how much of my disappointment in life/relationships is about my own issues and expectations that I haven’t communicated with anyone about? I need to take some responsibility for managing myself. Luckily, the trick, with the enneagram stuff at least, is that awareness is enough – the change and transformation will come just through being conscious of our own behaviour. There’s a Jean Varnier quote that discusses the difference between loving community vs. loving people and gaining community. These are tools for learning how to love people well, even yourself.