I lost my voice again today.
Not from shouting too much.
No… more mute than that, more fut- (I’ll)

repress, supress to impress you
and make you feel good about yourself
as I diminish. Finish saying nothing because…

I lost my voice again today
it was not drowned out
indeed it rarely swims
being afraid of the water
undercurrents
submerged logs
stagnant bogs
blank blog
page
empty of hope and dreams.

I lost my voice again today.
Thoughts are teeming through my mind but
my feelings make my tongue numb
I want to get them out
but I doubt
myself and you move on
to your next (point)
out to me my flaws, their cause, no pause for understanding.
I want to do work of worth, birth something beautiful together but
you are so protective of the turf there might as well be a “Keep Off The Grass” sign out (front)

up, make me an offer, negotiate, my way or the highway
that does not head in the direction I want to go.

I lost my voice again today.
I was looking for what was true, went via your agenda, don’t make this about my gender.
Except, of course, that it is.
Lord, why am I still here?
Why do I care?
The words of an individual
indivisible from their meaning
gleaning, glistening
purity out of obscurity
my truth…
Listen.
This is my truth.

This is my whole truth.

Inspired by the poetry of Joel McKerrow and Stevie Wills at Surrender and resident poet at the City Library this month Alia Gabrez, Centre for Poetics and Justice (by Talitha Fraser)