Urban Vision’s model is for those living in community to pay board and then share their room with a young person.
Luke 10 – sending out the 70
Three things:
1) Don’t take purse, bag or sandals
Simplify your life. Don’t take anything with you. Feel like we need to have all of the resources/tools/time before we start. Why would God give you a miracle when you already have stuff? (Jacqui Pullinger)
In order to be involved in significant hospitality in your house, what would you need to simplify? (discuss with person sitting next to you)
– Queen-sized bed kills community (barrier to having people stay as compared with 2 single beds in a room)
– Need a smaller couch (could move study into lounge then and have a spare room)
– Work less hours
– Be ‘present’ more
– Share house to cover rent/mortgage
Hospitality means more if it costs you something e.g. person will know you are sacrificing privacy/personal space to have them. Sharing in economy of ‘enough’ rather than only giving out of my excess.
Average person has six groups of people they connect with:
– family
– work/study
– worship/church
– social/sport/bookclub
– people we live with
– Ministry e.g. youth work
Need to cull groups to create physical time. Home can become a castle (has a moat, don’t let anyone in) or motel (only use it to drop gear off/sleep). We made a conscious decision to only have three groups: Family, work and then everything else combined into one. Relocation is helpful. Doing something like “Servants to Asia” easier than relocating in your own context. We won’t initiate with wider group of friends – those who are committed to the friendship will be faithful to asking us. Modular approach – go on holiday for a week – be deliberate about spending time with good friends then rather than catching up every week.
2) Sending as lambs amongst wolves
Bad news for disciples. Only thing he promises is that He will never leave or forsake us. Hospitality opens us to a level of vulnerability. Living in inner city, did I get beaten up? Yes. Can’t follow Jesus without it being dangerous. You will disappoint your parents. They love you and don’t want you to be hurt.
In order for me to do hospitality, what are the risks? What are you afraid of? (discuss with person sitting next to you)
– duty of care/accusations (particularly for men around kids/youth work)
– introversion of other housemates
– are my kids safe?
– my own personal safety (particularly for women)
Living in the centre of God’s will, safest place to be. Some lessons learned/benefits:
– community
– aunties and uncles
– spend time debriefing
– children are good observers but not good interpreters, blame themselves
– know the background of those you take in (doesn’t necessarily mean that you don’t take them but you know what the risks are)
– don’t have kids the same age as ours – creates a sense of competition/competing for space whereas if younger/older sense of difference and room for everyone.
– don’t take anything into your house that isn’t going to be a blockage if you lost it e.g. ring from grandmother (hard to forgive if you lost it)
– need to have a “no resentment policy” – nothing that will cause bitterness
– once kids are at an age where looking for influence be careful about who you invite in, e.g. more cautious around that once children were teenagers.
3) When you meet someone on the road, do not stop and talk. Stay only in one house.
What are the cultural distractions/idols that stop us from doing hospitality well? E.g. career, mortgage, super/retirement…
Downsize and take back control.
It is what you make here that is important not what you get there (illusion that grass is greener)
I am an introvert – throw yourself into it! For the first three months you love it and think everything is really great, for the next year and a half or so the noise of the people you live with feels like a constant annoying drone. Once you get to 2 years its background noise and you don’t notice it anymore. Rhythm of prayer with focus on silence. Run marathons – just me and the road. Switch off into a book but can now do that while I’m in a room full of people.
Becomes obvious quickly where a young persons fragility lies. Adults are better at hiding the dysfunction – structure our lives to account for our dysfunction. Once in community that doesn’t work, being in community wears down those self-managing boundaries. Unprocessed-ness spills out onto other people (community will explode after 2 years). If you want to have community need to have a high commitment and integrity to become who you are called to be.
There are always inclusion/exclusion factors/tensions. In order to be inclusive at another level you have to be exclusive – want them to join kingdom of God, not to join us. It is imperative that we have sustainability. Small core of committed people working to a common goal together.
Where do the people come from? Around Urban Vision, totally word of mouth. At Ngatiawa we get ex-prisoners, school guidance counsellor makes referrals. Need a maintain a balance between community members and punters – need more structures as you get bigger e.g. smoking circles. We made it a rule that no one was allowed to smoke with anyone else.
– Don’t what it to be them and us, and this is a separation that reinforces that
– Who is influencing? Those who are also struggling themselves
– Have one struggler, bond with them before introducing another struggler
– Strong sense of family/extended family (whanau) combine worlds.
When bringing in a new ‘struggler’ how do you find out what their issues are to measure/prepare appropriately for risks?
– Can often find out some info from whoever is making the referral
– Ask, what are you addicted to?
– Ask, do you have any mental health issues?
– Always other stuff that comes up as you get to know someone
~ I don’t want to know details/be polluted. Want to be able to relate to them as a person
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